So long ago and so sweet

You know when I sign in each evening I use a password Jason dreamed up long ago as we were jammed into a Holiday Inn room in Boston.  Every night since and we are now approaching 5 years I've put in that password and was taken back in memory to that night when the family had gathered to be with Mom as she fought for her life. Those were dark dark days and we pulled together to hold each other up, Dana was there from Houston, Sharon was there from the valley, Roxanna was there and when she could come Marilyn was there.  What a time to remember and cherish.  Against huge odds Nan came through and flew home on a Southwest jet surrounded by pillow and blankets the crew supplied.

It all seems so long ago and far away now.  There is a fact of life that when one is in the middle of a crisis there is support from every side but no one can be in crisis forever and eventually the supports subsides as it must.  There are times in my life right now that I could use some support and sometimes it happens and often it does not.  Nothing awful happens other than I am just profoundly sad and question life. 

This morning I made another of those tough calls, I called the lender for my house and reported to them that by Wednesday I'll be submitting new paperwork.  He was kind and gave me a fax number that we can ship it right to them to speed up the process.  I also called and got the Direct TV monthly bill reduced quite a bit.  One wonders what is next, yesterday it was a seriously leaking motorhome and today it was no money in the midst of the campaign mailers. 

This morning Ken and I walked and the weather was pleasant.  I was reminded again of my age by the time I got home.  I showered and went to work after a breakfast of steel cut oats, banana and grainola bits.  I set to work and completed the appraisal for the property with six acres and have that shipped out.  Then I started the big one and I'm just into it now.

For some reason last night was one of those no sleeping nights.  From 12:30 until about 4 this morning I was awake a lot, could it have been Ray's class in how to use a French Press to make good coffee and then drinking 1/2 a cup of coffee at 8 pm.  Wonder if that could have been the problem.

Today I've been running loads of wash to clean up the mess left by the leak in the motorhome.  Everything has come out pretty nice and a fan running in the motorhome has dried the carpet back to normal.  I tried to buy used batteries today but they are out and Art is getting me the info for the tires for the front of the coach which I feel need to be replaced for safety sake.  I checked the old batteries today and ended up putting two gallons of water, they were totally dry, I think I'll have to check the new ones much more often or I'll ruin them too.

A few minutes ago Art called, he was on his way home from a golf lesson and he was jazzed about it.  He finally has the time to play being retired and all but he just might not be a golf kind of guy, who knows, at least he gave it a try.

Mid day today I was carrying loads of things to the house from the motorhome and I started to feel faint so just for the fun of it I checked my blood, it was 81, that is the lowest I've been in a long time and I was shocked.  So I had some lunch and felt better in a little while.

I think there are phases of crisis or of being faced with dire circumstances.  You try to do what you can to lift yourself up, you spend a lot of time in talking with God, trying to understand what to do next, you grasp onto any chance to have a conversation with a friend or family member, you check emails often to see if anyone has written and you are tempted to eat as an escape, not that you need to but just for something that brings a mild form of pleasure for a few minutes.  You make no long range plans because everything in between is up in the air, you don't even consider a vacation, how could you pay for it and afford to NOT be working while you were gone so you just labor on pretty much giving up on any hope or thought of joy or solution to one of the big problems.  So you just move forward without much planning.

This evening to break out of the mold for a few minutes I pulled out the belgium waffle maker, mixed up a batch of batter and had a couple waffles, they were great and for a few minutes it seemed like life was enjoyable again.  I also enjoy writing these blog messages, I know that several people do read them from time to time and often the feedback is very meaningful.

Well now its time to turn back to the big appraisal.  It does not write itself.

A special thankyou to George and Yvonne.  On Sabbath he handed me a package and it it were several DVDs of childrens stories, stories I can share with my kiddos.  I was so touched by the thoughtfulness of that act and reminded once again of how good it is to have friends and family who care.

Love to all,

Tim