Good evening
Loren White called this evening as I was on my way to McDonalds to get a salad. He had sad news, his dad had died this week.
Some context. When I arrived in Tracy in 1976 to be the pastor of the Tracy SDA Church some of the most accepting people to us as a young pastor's family were Lloyd and Bernice White. Both outstanding musicians we quickly identified with each other. Lloyd had one of the best bass voices I've ever heard in my entire life. Solid, expressive and with near perfect pitch he could just lay down the foundation for any music he was performing. He was in the Roger Peden Choral and also the Adoration Singers as well as in many choirs and groups around the church. He and Bernice were always there for us during the 13 years we lived in Tracy, great and special friends. It has hit me hard to have him gone. I did not know he was ill and it all happened very rapidly but tonight I feel deeply saddened by our loss. I feel a great man has died and we will never be quite the same again for his loss. Bernice is such a talented musician and can play the organ to make the angels weep. She played for Nan's memorial service a little over 6 years ago. She made it very special and all through the years the White's could always be counted on to lend their musical talents freely and lovingly.
So I am in shock and feel the loss so deeply. I am so thankful I knew him and he knew I cared about him, never a question about that. What a guy!
This has been a day of contrasts, on a personal level I'm heavy hearted, can't explain more but let me assure you I'm feeling some loss there as well. On a professional level this has been a banner day, you know I have learned to just walk forward and do what has to be done whether your heart is in it or not. So many times with Nan and her many trials we just had to walk forward and face whatever even though our hearts were broken with fears and dread. So today in spite of the way I was feeling on a personal level I did my first inspection in Pittsburg at 10 am. It was a little house and filled with the smells of smoke inside. The home was OK and the guy is being transferred to San Diego. It was a relocation appraisal so the fee is nice at $500. From there I drove to Costco for water, I've been going through it so fast that I was out. I also grabbed bananas and salad and then raced to the next appointment. It was a house on an acre in Oakley. The young family bought it practically in ruins and have rebuilt it in an amazing and professional way. It is now nearly completed and has the best of everything. It was tough to measure but I finally managed to get through it.
Then I drove to an interesting situation. A 10 acre property which had a nice manufactured home on it. The home had never been mounted on concrete foundation so is considered personal property. The elderly couple lived there for years and finally have died. Now a value must be determined for the property for the complicated estate. They paid me on the spot and I so enjoyed spending time with them as they walked me through a still fully furnished home, nothing has been removed yet. You could just tell that some really terrific people lived there and it was sort of sad to walk the rooms, now quiet and still.
Once that inspection was over my blood sugar had dropped through the floor so I considered what to eat without destroying the weight loss and progress I've been making. I am determined not to return to my former ways, they did not work and as long as I'm out of shape the chances of my finding the person of my dreams will probably not happen. This new phase of new habits started the night Jason brought me home from the hospital. After the shock and scare of finding a resting heart rate of 136 in the middle of the night and a night spend in ER and then a day in the hospital it seemed like a wake up call. With the two most precious people in my life visiting, Nikki in the morning and Jason in the afternoon my attention was drawn to the choices I've gradually slipped into, mostly bad, Starbucks too often, eating the entire evening even thought I was never hungry, coming home from a nice meal and then eating a couple more just to pass the lonely time by, then coping all night with restless sleep with all the food inside. I knew better but no matter what the best intentions were I ended up eating. I could easily do it tonight if I just let down my guard.
Jason brought me home from the hospital and built a fire for some heat and then went to the kitchen, soon I had some really good tasting food, full of fiber and very tasty. It was whole wheat tortilla and some slices of cheese warmed inside. It was so good and Jason had created this meal so just determined that I would not eat the rest of the evening. I didn't and felt great in the morning and I've not had a bite to eat in the evening since. The other major change has been the addition of many bottles of water, I take it everywhere I go and now I'm used to it. Dolly Vogel got me into drinking a bottle of water when I first wake and now I can't do otherwise. Then Jason was talking about getting up at 5 in the morning to go to the gym so he could get his miles in before school. I decided that if Jason could do that I could certainly go for a walk when I got up and I've not missed a day, sometimes to the park and sometimes around the lake. And you know the outcome, so far I've moved from 226.5 to 116 as of this morning. I am beginning to consider trying on the 36 size pants of which I have many pairs, kind of exciting to move on from bad habits and see results. As I'm changing the blood sugar numbers are quickly responding, they are dropping and I'm actually looking forward to the next A1C which is April 14.
At this point of course I'm feeling much more energetic in spite of the very low heart rate the meds impose. They backed off the Coreg in an attempt to get the rate slightly increased and it seems to have moved up a couple numbers. I think its a bit too low, the primary concern is to keep the heart from doing its fluttering and so far its not done it at all and I check it many times each day with the iphone app.
This afternoon the phone kept letting me know emails were coming in. While I waited for the last appointment contact to get home from work I found 4 new orders waiting. I grabbed each one using the iphone and then printed them out when I got home to set up as files. What a huge blessing it is to get 4 new orders and I have called all of them seeking early appointments.
This evening knowing the Ray is in San Jose I asked Lois if she wanted to go someplace where I could get a salad so we went to McDonalds, they have a good cheap side salad and I had that along with decaf. It did the trick.
So I'm once again home on Friday night alone, can't tell you how much I hate that, I'm tired of being alone but at least now I have a plan to change that, get in shape and find someone who can stand me, even enjoy my humor and strange ways.
I'm not sure if I get the girls for Sabbath School in the morning or not. Hope so as I like to keep them connected to the bible stories, the songs, the memory verses. Its my little mission project, to take them if its allowed. They have busy lives and sometimes they have things scheduled that prevent them from going with me to Sabbath School. I understand that.
At this point I've adjusted to my cold house. I hardly notice the temperature anymore. I build a fire in the morning to take the chill off and then just let it be for the rest of the day. This morning was cold and our walk at 7 was with frost all around but the day warmed up, too much for this time of year. How we need rain.
Sending love to all of you, for those of you who are with loved ones reach out and let them know you care, There just might be a day when you can no longer reach them so I urge you to do it now. Its just a good way to live, to care and be kind.
Tim
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