Low key day

Yesterday was so exciting, I felt more alive than I've felt in a very long time, not so much today.  All of the hope and energy of yesterday has pretty much been blown away.  Its so personal I can't explain but tonight I'm hurting.

This morning while still riding a high I jumped up and told Pooka prepare for a walk.  I strapped on the heart monitor, put on the watch that reads it and we headed out.  The three miles took less time than normal and I finally got up to 90 beats per minute just as I turned the corner for home.  Breakfast had to be fast as I was taking Kallie to a birthday party for Kristin in Tracy.  What a well planned party, very enjoyable with food for adults as well as children, a jumpy house and a craft table.  Angel did a super job on everything and I think Kristin had a great day.  Once we were through I returned Kallie to her parents and then came back home to work.  I had a really hard time getting myself into a work mode with the depressing nature of the afternoon.  I built a fire after bringing in 5 loads of wood.  I decided that no one else was going to do it.  I would just be careful and not carry loads as heavy as I usually do and it all worked out fine.  Then I built a nice fire, had a mocha hot drink and watched an episode of Blue Bloods while sitting in the recliner and under the Alaska blanket, one I dearly love for all the memories it brings flooding back from our cruise in the inside passage, of little villages with smoke curling up from brick chimneys as we passed.  I would sit on the private balcony of our room wrapped in the blanket and just enjoy the beauty of it all.

That blanket speaks to me whenever I'm under it.  Its hard to move on from that kind of memory, I thought I had last night but then this morning the fleeting dream slipped away.  It always happens and I don't know why I even let myself be hopeful, I should learn to just accept that I'm destined to be alone for ever.

Now its bed time and what difference between this night and last night.

I was glad that Kallie had fun at the party, that was the high point of the day.

Good night to all

Tim