Some things just can't last, like last nights fireworks that flame and burst eventually the sky is dark again with only memories of the glamour and glory of the moment.
Jason and Jo took Timothy and went home today, I was saddened by their departure but heartened by their visit and the fun we had together. Along with Nikki and the girls many happy memories were created and even now are settling into important files in my mind. Suddenly the house was filled with noise, happy sounds of dolls crying, of games being played, of food being eaten, of ducks and geese being fed. What has just happened is a gentle reminder that the future holds happiness, love, peace again. My anger at what we all lost is being replaced with intense longing for what is to come. As long as we live we have hope and anticipation, of dreams and of relationships that will replace sorry with the thrill of what is to come.
Once the kids drove away I sort of fell into a emotional slump and accomplished little the rest of the day, that is unless watching Moby Dick, a movie I've never seen before with Gregory Peck and all without commercials. Sensing that food was needed I mixed brown rice with green beans and little cherry tomatoes left by Jo with cottage cheese. Then I made a tall mocha with banana and many ice cubes. I managed to survive the afternoon, wandered about and picked up things here and there but just felt a huge sense of quiet and aloneness.
Yes on the subject of aloneness in general I'm pretty much a peace with it. Do you know how hard it is to have an argument when you are alone? Or have to decide when to go to bed or what color to paint a wall or what bill to pay first. Its all up to you, just you and sometimes that is pretty good. It is true I have dear friends who challenge me, lift me, question me and encourage me and a very special family with phone calls from both Jason and Nikki this afternoon as well as from Jerry, my brother. How drab life would be without caring family and friends, how boring and empty.
So here comes the week, it will be short and at this point I have three to write up and will see one new one on Wednesday and then make an appointment to see yet another one. When one has had so much fun with family it is sort of hard to shift gears back into a work mode but many of us have to do it so we will.
On Friday I plan to hook up the bug on the tow dolly and drive to Gilroy where I'll pick up a couple new tires and then drive on to Jason and Jo's where I'll enjoy the weekend and attend Timothy's third birthday party. Jason and Jo just celebrated their 6th wedding anniversary last weekend having been married on the 4th of July.
Good night to one and all, I send my love and appreciation for your being in my life.
Tim
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