10 pm at long last

When does it get better?  I'm really working through what I believe in light of my present situation.  I've tried very hard through all the years of tumors, bad news, dangerous operations, fevers, nights in various ER's around the country, hundreds of CT scans, PET scans, hours waiting alone in halls while surgical procedures were tried, I've tried when my profession has been destroyed by government idiots who create this system where do nothing management companies take 1/3 to 1/2 of an already inadequate fee, tried to hold it together, tried to hold off bitterness, I have tried to keep the faith but I'm very tired of the battle tonight.  Another day with everything but payments in the mail, another day of phone calls from people wanting their money.  I've made so much progress, the card that we used for the medical trips, hotels, meds and rental cars was $40K when Nan died.  It is now $25,700 and that is real progress.

Meanwhile I'm blessed with a steady flow of new work and in spite of how I felt this morning, nothing in me was in a mind to set down and start cranking out appraisal work.  I felt bad, my chest was tight, my blood sugar was very high.  A lot of the time I just want to hit something, to lash out but of course since there is no one in my life I don't have to lash out at them. 

As the day progressed I started to get conditions in, that is where someone in the loan chain of people wants something changed or modified in the original report.  After three of those in a row I sat wondering, what could happen next?  In spite of the negative vibes I just kept plugging on the work and eventually I had the pleasure of sending out an appraisal.  Then I set to work on the next one and went ahead and set up a 6 pm appointment in Stockton, you remember the expression, change is a vacation.  So I took a mini vacation driving to Stockton over the lovely levee road and arriving on time at a very nice home with a young pastor and his family in residence.  They had purchased the home when it was only one year old.  However it was trashed, no interior doors, all carpet and vinyl was destroyed, walls in desperate need of paint, light fixtures all gone, bathroom vanity gone and so they purchased the home and began to fix it up.  Now it is perfect with new yards, new paint, new floor coverings and its great.  They are so proud of it.  The bad news is, since they purchase a couple years ago values have dropped and I don't know what the numbers will be when I finish the report.  This is one where my pastoral heart has to compete with the hard cold facts, I can't let my feelings get in the way of an honest appraisal. For me its a real challenge.  Now Nan had no such problem.  She found it very easy to just put emotions aside and do her work.  I admired her for it but I can't turn off my heart in situations like this.

This afternoon in the course of conversation with an underwriter who works in Texas for MetLife he happened to mention that it would be good for me to get on their approved list of appraisers as they were becoming the number one provider of Reverse mortgages since Bof A is quitting and also Well Fargo is backing out on doing them.  He was kind enough to send me an email with the specs I need to apply, you can bet I will apply.  If I could land a solid busy lender it would help everything a lot.  I've had them in the past and they are great, a steady stream of work, you know what wording they want to have included, you become a part of a team.  So that was a spot of hope in a bleak day.

Ray came to visit for awhile today and that was good to discuss life in general with him.  He and Lois keep a pretty close eye on me to make sure I'm still breathing in the mornings.  It feels nice to have someone nearby like that. And speaking of neighbors I'm anxious to get back into a walking routine with Ken but right now he is Mr Cornfest, a huge Brentwood event that is coming up soon.  So He is pretty busy right now.

So I'm signing off now and going straight to bed.

Love to all,

Tim