Moving into a new chapter

Dear Family, Dear Friends,

Just home from child care with Kallie so Nikki and Steve could have an evening out.  I consider it an honor when I get to help out, so much of my life is spent just thinking about my own survival, its good to get to do something helpful, live out my love as it were.  Nikki just had Kallie's bangs cut and she is such a little cutie.  Tonight she enjoyed feeding a treat to the dog, sneaking a chocolate donut and begging for a piece of a brownie from me.  She played quietly and finally wound down enough to head up to bed.  We read a story, she turned the pages and I read and Ariel, very sweet and age correct for her.  Then she laid down in her bed, pulled up her blankets and I did not hear from her again.  She was up late last night so that may have helped with her being sleepy.

This morning I tumbled out of bed, let the world gradually stop spinning, a normal event every morning when I first get up, the decided to take advantage of a very good quality tred mill that stands guard beside my bed by the window that looks out over the lake.  So I rode program 1 for 30 minutes, saw my heart get up to 138, used about 200 calories or so and really enjoyed the experience.  Then I hit the shower, dressed, had a whole wheat bagel and drove to Hercules to see a house.  Once it was completed I shot new comps for another report, shot a front and street for yet another house and then drove back home.  It was a pleasant work day. 

Once home I set down and put the new comps into the appraisal and resent it, put the photos of the other home in and sent out an updated 1004D report.  I then set up 4 orders that had come in over the weekend, tried to make sense once again out of the Windows 7 and my new computer, gave up and had a salad and sandwich before leaving to drive to Nikki and Steve's.  All in all a good day.

Ken says we walk at 7:30 in the morning and then I'll spend the day writing reports and setting up new appointments.

I'm moving forward with social situations, tired of treading water I'm seeking clarification and direction.  I'm sort of tired of sitting around and waiting for something to happen, for someone to just fall into my lap as pleasant as that sounds.  I've lived much of my life trying to please everyone and often do not express how I feel about something, holding back due to being shy, uncertain or for lack of self confidence.  Who likes rejection?  I certainly don't and I so hate to end up looking, sounding or being stupid, making social mistakes.  I've never spent any time being concerned about what I wear or even how I look as Nan always did the clothes buying, advising and would not let me walk out the door looking wrong.  Most of the clothes in my closet are 15 to 20 years old or even more.  Styles and colors have changed, I'm aware of that.  Its yet another area of my life that I need to assert myself and take control of.  I'm benefiting from new clothes from very savy children, new shoes, new light jacket and I like wearing them, they feel good, the shoes were amazingly comfortable from the first moment I slipped them on, the coat is warm and comfortable.

So a new year presents a new chapter to begin writing with actions, dreams, goals, exercises, attempts, leaps of faith.  I have decided that if someone is to join me in the walk of life they have to be still engaged in life, not just ready to sit in a chair and withdraw from daily living.  I need someone who thinks, challenges, grows and plans, someone who likes to move, to travel, to talk, to take mini vacations, who has a belief system and holds it dear, someone who is not selfish or self centered, someone who loves time with little ones and family.

Every day one of the on line dating services presents me with 15 choices, they all live nearby, many are attractive but if I want to know more I have to pay a fee and I'm about cutting expenses not adding to them but it is still interesting to see the photos, for some I sense that the photos are from a younger period in their lives than now, just wondering.  Its called match.com and it has the best record of people finding people of all the sites, still it is challenging to move from a web site to a relationship, a leap I've not mastered yet.

Well for now I need to master falling asleep.

Love to all,  life is a series of challenges, join me in meeting the challenges head on and making gains.

Tim