Not a good day

Hi
Well this has not been a barn burner.  I've developed a very painful right arm above the elbow, so bad that I'm pushing pain killers and I don't usually do that at all.

Its also been tough emotionally, it was tough to watch Jerry and Donna drive away to as they traveled to their home in Weed.  What an excellent time it has been to have them here, family times together are so special and they are both great human beings.

This morning we tried the Byron Inn located along the Byron Highway that leads to Tracy.  It has been closed for some time due to fire damage but is now open again.  The food was really good and the owner came by afterwards to chat, nice guy on a mission to do it right.

I've been very low emotionally most of the day, the car fiasco is tough to deal with.  In a couple days it will be paid for but I've had to self finance it with retirement funds, funds that become income as soon as they are pulled out of the account, sure I have 60 days to return them but right now with no work its unlikely I can find the money to return them and that's a bummer.  I'm still in shock that I've been unable to get credit for this relatively small amount but I've not tried to get credit for anything since well before Nan died and things have changed both in my attempt to get back on my feet after almost losing the house.  My credit was dinged pretty bad.

I've go to admit the feeling of being all alone with no one to turn to is pretty hard to take and I'm not feeling well either, add in no work or at least very little work and things have turned dismal, very dismal.  It is really hard to see how I come out of this without more bitterness toward life.

I try to help everyone I can, both clients and friends but perhaps this way of life is ill advised, maybe I just need to think about myself more and others less.  That goes against everything I believe it but at this point I have very little left to give.

Just sat in the spa and noticed it has sprung a leak again but oh the warm water did feel so good on my arm and the rest of me.  The stars were out bright and airplanes criss crossed the sky.

To love to all

Good night

Tim